For Those of Us that Struggle in our Families

For the majority of my life I have felt increasingly insecure about how broken and imperfect my family situation seemed. Then, I would feel guilty for even feeling that way because I knew so many had it so much worse than I did. My only rationale was that I somehow deserved the brokenness around me. I became depressed with the fear that I had been given less than ideal family situations because I deserved them. I felt that I must be unworthy and unlovable - a hopeless case.

I realize that we all struggle in our families because families were given to us to teach us how to become more like our Savior. And sometimes that growing is very difficult and our families bear the brunt of our growing pains. But the abuse and dishonesty and an inability to communicate effectively that I have experienced both in the family I was born into and the one I have created for myself left me feeling like I was a failure in what mattered most in life - healthy relationships. I was angry, depressed, and stuck in my pain for a long time. Sometimes, I still am.

Thankfully, I have had plenty of loving family support, ecclesiastical leaders, therapists, and a loving Savior who have guided me through that minefield of pain and self doubt. I would like to share some very illustrative stories that completely changed my perspective on what it means to suffer in our families. Ideally, families are a place of love and refuge from the storm. But because we are all human and growing, sometimes they are the storm. Sometimes we are the storm. Living in an abusive or less than ideal family situation does not mean  we brought it upon ourselves. It took me a very long time to realize that and even longer to actually believe it. These inspired accounts given by a therapist and Stake President made all the difference for me:

*Note: By and large, I have not experienced anything near the severity of these trials. But I have felt what it is to be abused emotionally and verbally, manipulated, my marriage slipping out from under me, deep anxiety for the future, unfair judgment, and plenty of pain. If you are in an abusive situation, please seek help from professionals and the Spirit. To some degree, I related best with these particular accounts.

"The first one was a case of a sister whom I'd known for years and who, in my judgment, had made some very poor life choices. She had married a handsome, charming young man who initially wasn't a member of the Church but joined the Church for her. She waited a year to marry him and then went to the temple. It was the last time he ever went to the temple. I knew he was a flake from the beginning. ...

There was great pain for this woman. A good, good woman, she kept in the Church; she kept in the kingdom; she suffered enormous pain because her husband went back to gambling and drinking and other things that were unhappy and unwholesome. But, the greater pain came when her children, having these two models before them, began to follow him. ...

As she asked me for a blessing to sustain her in what to do with this awful situation in which she found herself, my thoughts were, 'Didn't you ask for this? You married a guy who really didn't have any depth to him and raised your kids too permissively. ... ' I had all those judgments in my head. I laid my hands on her head, and the Lord told her of His love and His tender concern for her. He acknowledged that He had given her (and that she had volunteered for) a far, far harder task than He would like. (And, as He put in my mind, a harder task than I had had. ... ) She, however, had signed up for hard children, for children who had rebellious spirits but who were valuable; for a hard husband who had a rebellious spirit but who was valuable. ...

I repented. I realized I was in the presence of one of the Lord's great noble spirits, who had chosen not a safe place behind the lines pushing out the ordinance to the people in the front lines as I was doing, but somebody who chose to live out in the trenches where the Lord's work was being done, where there was risk, where you could be hurt, where you could lose, where you could be destroyed by your love. That's the way she had chosen to labor. ...

In a blessing the Lord said to her, 'When you're in my employ, the wages are from me, not from those you serve.'"

That last line changed my whole perspective about my life's purpose. I realized that I had been expecting the ideal from my family members if I chose to be patient and forgiving. I expected them to at least try just as much as I thought I was. I had been hoping and praying for things that were out of my control. I had chosen a path that traveled through the trenches. But that did not make me any less worthy of love and eternal happiness. It simply meant that I might have to accept that I would be rewarded by the Lord and not necessarily in the way I envisioned. I could change my expectations for both myself and my family members. I could love them simply because I love the Lord and I know He loves us perfectly. I knew that even if I felt as if I could not trust anyone, I could always trust Him. I was able to lay my burdens and broken dreams at His feet and let Him lead me.

"In the second case I had a woman who came to me who was an incest victim - the victim of a terrible family. ... The daughter had been abused in about every way there was to be abused - psychologically, physically, sexually. ...

She had recurring bouts of depression and very negative feelings about herself because she had been taught by the people most important in her early life what a rotten person she was. It was hard for her to overcome that self-image.  ... One day she said to me, 'You're a stake president; you explain to me the justice of it.' She said, 'I go to church, and I can hardly stand it. When I see little girls being hugged and kissed and taken to church and appropriately loved by their fathers and mothers, I just have to get up and leave. I say, Heavenly Father, what was so terrible about me that, when I was that age, I didn't get any of that? What did that little girl do in the premortal existence that I didn't so she is loved, so she is safe? ... What did I do? Can you tell me that God is just if He sends that little girl to that family and me to my family?' ...

I would not have known how to answer her in my own capacity because that is manifestly unjust. Where here or in eternity is the justice in an innocent child's suffering in that way? But the Lord inspired me to tell her, and I believe with all my heart that it applies to many in the kingdom, that she was a valiant Christlike spirit who volunteered (with, I told her, perhaps too much spiritual pride) to come to earth and suffer innocently to purify a lineage. She volunteered to absorb the poisoning of sin, anger, anguish, and violence, to take it into herself and not to pass it on; to purify a lineage so that downstream from her it ran pure and clean, full of love and the Spirit of the Lord and self-worth. I believed truly that her calling was to be a savior on Mount Zion: that is, to be Savior like, like the Savior to suffer innocently that others might not suffer" (The Uses of Adversity, Carlfred Broderick).

This final passage had me sobbing with understanding. From the time I was very young, I promised myself that I would shield my own and whatever children I could from unnecessary suffering and abuse. I was grateful that I was the oldest and also that I was at the least the third generation in a lineage of anger, pain, and abuse that was slowly but surely being healed by the Savior. I was able to spare my siblings from the worst and my own children hopefully completely, but I myself was spared the worst of the abuse by my noble predecessors who had absorbed even more and passed less of it on.

It also caused me to reflect on whether or not I was living up to this noble calling - to absorb the abuse and pain and not pass it on, not even to those who had caused the pain. I realized that with the Savior's healing and help, I could let go of the pain. I no longer had to internalize it with self doubt and self inflicted punishment, telling myself I must have deserved it. And once I was able to let go of that enormous weight - that fear and pain that had been with me almost as long as I could remember - I was able to forgive. I was able to see those who had hurt me as fellow imperfect children of God. They were only people who had volunteered for even more difficult tasks than I had and had suffered greatly in their own way to bring about something better.

With this understanding - the knowledge that I did not and could never deserve abuse from anyone in my life - I was able to replace my fear and self-doubt with the confidence that my Heavenly Father loves me infinitely, so much so, that he sent a Savior (the most innocent and undeserving of abuse) to suffer all for us so that we would not have to. And when we do suffer, we need never do it alone. I regained the confidence I so desperately needed to stand up for myself, and with that, the ability to forgive and leave the past behind.

I know that our Heavenly Father has a perfect plan that begins and ends with love. This world is unjust and unfair, but all will be made right in the end. All He asks of us is to have faith and hand it over to Him. And I am here to tell you that it is possible and so worth it.

Joy - Set Your Own Mood

Joy is a lovely signature Young Living essential oil blend that is both calming and uplifting. I like to keep a roller bottle blend of Joy and Stress Away with me all the time. I especially love to use it before bed, when I'm so tired that my mind won't shut off and wanders into dark places. It has also been a huge help in my efforts to release negative emotional patterns through aromatherapy. Essential oils directly interact with the limbic or emotional area of the brain through the olfactory system, so they are some the most effective emotional healers. If you've ever had days where you just want to go lock yourself in a closet and cry then you need this essential oil blend in your life.

Young Living says: "Joy™ is a delightful blend of Bergamot, Ylang Ylang, Geranium, Lemon, Coriander, Tangerine, Jasmine, Roman Chamomile, Palmarosa, and Rose essential oils that harmonize for a sweet, joyful aroma. When diffused, Joy creates a warm, comforting environment and inspires a romantic aromatic atmosphere. Wear Joy as a cologne or perfume to exude an alluring and irresistible fragrance that inspires romance and togetherness."

First, there's Bergamot. Bergamot is a lesser known citrus fruit - it looks like a cross between a lime and a lemon. Like other citrus oils it is very uplifting and calming as well as antioxidant rich.

Then there's Ylang Ylang. It "promotes relaxation, balances male and female energies, restores confidence and equilibrium," restful sleep, healthier hair, and circulatory support (Essential Oils Pocket Reference, 158).

Geranium is one of my all time favorite oils. It smells so sweet and calming, much like rose. It can help to balance hormones and is incredibly beneficial for the skin.

Lemon is another one of my absolute favorite oils. I like to call it indispensable liquid sunshine because it is both energizing and uplifting. "It is stimulating and invigorating, promoting a deep sense of well-being" (158).

Coriander "has long been revered as a home remedy for nausea, aiding digestion, and supporting healthy immune function" (158). Whenever I'm anxious or upset, I'll often lose my appetite and feel nauseous and miserable. Which is why Coriander is such a perfect addition to this blend.

Tangerine is another antioxidant rich, relaxing, and uplifting citrus oil that fits right in.

Jasmine is a more expensive oil to purchase on its own. It "exudes an exquisite fragrance that revitalizes spirits and brings feelings of love, support, and joy" (158). When I lived in San Diego my favorite feature of our home was all the irresistibly sweet jasmine plants in our yard. Every time I smelled them I felt calmer and uplifted.

Roman Chamomile is incredibly calming and beneficial for the skin. It "combats restlessness and tension" to promote restful sleep. "It releases mental blocks and purges toxins from the liver, where anger is stored" (158).

Palmarosa "is stimulating and revitalizing, enhancing both the nervous and cardiovascular systems and bringing about a feeling of security" (158).

And finally, there is Rose essential oil. This is the oil that gets me most excited about this blend because it is so expensive to buy separately. About 22 lbs! of rose petals are distilled to create even a 5ml bottle of essential oil. Rose is both uplifting, beneficial for the skin and romantically inspiring of course. "It has the highest frequency among essential oils. It creates a magnetic energy that attracts pure love and brings joy to the heart" (158).

Specific Uses & Blends:

• Combine in a roll-on blend, diffuse, or add to epsom salts in a bath with Copaiba and Lavender to relax, promote restful sleep, and soothe discomfort.
• Diffuse or take as a dietary supplement with Peppermint and Copaiba to energize, soothe, uplift, and support healthy digestion.
• Take as a dietary supplement, diffuse, or apply topically with Frankincense and Copaiba to calm, uplift, and balance.
• Diffuse or combine in a roll-on blend with Stress Away to uplift and promote mental clarity and restful sleep.

 Email me at rach.dorian@gmail.com to learn more about how essential oils can benefit you and your family! I would love to hear from you.

*Disclaimer: This post is NOT intended as medical advice of any kind because I am not a doctor. These product(s) have not been tested or evaluated by the FDA and so they are not intended to cure, treat, or prevent disease. They only help your body to do what it was meant to do, like nutritional supplements. Caution should be exercised with first time oil use - skin patch tests prior to use and dilution with carrier oil - especially in children. Children, especially under the age of 6, should never ingest essential oils without advice of a healthcare professional since they are concentrated and potent. If you are under the care of a physician, nursing, taking prescription medication, or pregnant please consult your doctor prior to use. Keep essential oils out of reach of children.

Thieves - Amplify Immunity

This unique essential oil blend was first created by Young Living and it is one that is universally loved by all who try it. It is so incredibly versatile and it smells like home. The smell is like a blend of Christmas, Thanksgiving, Fall, and home all wrapped into one. I've used it for just about everything, from boosting our immune systems, supporting the respiratory system, and strengthening my sensitive teeth, to soothing discomfort, and non-toxic cleaning and air purifying. It is the principal ingredient in both my All Purpose Cleaner and Purifying spray, which clean without compromising on effectiveness and no harsh chemicals. I love cleaning knowing that it is not only supporting our overall health, but also completely safe to use around my toddler who climbs, licks, and eats off of every surface! Although this blend is potent, it is also generally regarded as safe for human consumption. It is truly the crowning jewel of the Premium Starter Kit and so useful that there is an entire starter kit composed of Young Living's invaluable Thieves products.

Young Living says: "Thieves® essential oil blend was inspired by the legend of four 15th-century French thieves who formulated a special aromatic combination composed of clove, rosemary, and other botanicals they used while robbing the dead and dying. Young Living’s one-of-a-kind Thieves blend, crafted in the spirit of that legendary combination, can be found in all of our Thieves products. When taken internally, Thieves supports healthy immune function*, and it includes Eucalyptus radiata essential oil, which may help maintain a healthy respiratory system.* When taken as a dietary supplement, Thieves is an ideal complement to a daily wellness regimen.*"

The first ingredient in this spectacular blend is Clove. It supports youthfulness, the heart, the immune system, and general wellness with the highest antioxidant level of any essential oil (Essential Oils Pocket Reference, 57). It is also very high in eugenol, a substance that dentists often use to numb gums and teeth so it is excellent for both oral care and soothing discomfort. Using just a drop of Thieves on my toothpaste once a week has helped my sensitive teeth immensely. It makes my teeth feel so healthy and clean - like I just visited the dentist.

Next is Lemon, or what I like to call Indispensable Liquid Sunshine, another principal component of both my All Purpose Cleaner and Multipurpose Windex. It cleanses and "contains compounds that amplify immunity. It supports circulation, leukocyte formation, and lymphatic function" (179). It's part of what makes this blend smell so clean, fresh, and uplifting.

Then we have Cinnamon Bark. This is a powerful but "hot" oil. It is very strong, so it and Thieves should always be diluted with a carrier oil when being taken internally or applied topically. It is also one of the most powerful cleansers amongst essential oils (179). This is what lends the blend its warm, Christmas like smell. This oil also soothes discomfort, supports circulatory health, and supports healthy digestion.

Then there is Eucalyptus Radiata.  Eucalyptus supports the respiratory system, soothes, and cleanses.

Finally, there is Rosemary. It supports mental clarity and concentration, supports the liver and immune system, encourages healthy weight maintenance, and supports the respiratory system. And like all the other oils in this blend, it is a powerful cleanser.

Specific Blends & Uses:

• Add a couple drops of Thieves to soap, cleaning products, and smelly laundry to deodorize, detox, and increase efficacy.
• Diffuse with Peppermint and Copaiba to support the immune and respiratory systems and energize.
• Diffuse with Lavender and Copaiba to soothe and support restful sleep.
• Diffuse with Peppermint and Cinnamon Bark during the winter season to support the respiratory system and create a warm, holiday atmosphere.
• Ingest with Peppermint and Copaiba to support digestive comfort and the immune system.
• Ingest with Frankincense and Lavender to soothe discomfort, detox, uplift, and support the immune system.
• Combine in a roll-on blend with Orange and Melrose to support the immune system.
• Combine with Lemon and Melaleuca Alternifolia to create an All Purpose Cleaner.
• Combine with Peppermint, Purification, and Melrose to create a non-toxic outdoors and anti-itch spray.

If you're interested in learning more about how essential oils could benefit you and your family email me at rach.dorian@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you and answer all your questions!

*Disclaimer: This post is NOT intended as medical advice of any kind because I am not a doctor. These statements have not been tested or evaluated by the FDA and so they are NOT intended to cure, treat, or prevent disease. They only help your body to do what it was meant to do. Caution should be exercised with first time oil use - skin patch tests prior to use and dilution with carrier oil - especially in children. Children, especially under the age of 6, should never ingest essential oils without advice of a healthcare professional since they are concentrated and potent. If you are under the care of a physician, nursing, taking prescription medication, or pregnant please consult your doctor prior to use. Keep essential oils out of reach of children.

Purification - Air Freshener

There is such a wide variety of home and wellness uses for Purification, it's crazy. This Young Living proprietary blend is really the best first step toward creating a more chemical and odor free home in the healthiest, yummiest way. No starter kit or cleansing would be complete without it! I would describe it as both sharp and clean smelling. It is guaranteed to cut through any nasty odor, cleanse, and soothe whatever it comes into contact with.

Young Living says: "Purification® Essential Oil Blend helps freshen the air and eliminate odors with its unique combination of Citronella, Lemongrass, Lavandin, Rosemary, Tea Tree, and Myrtle essential oils, and includes naturally occurring compounds cineol, neral, and geranial. Add Purification oil to Animal Scents™ products to moisturize skin and improve the appearance for healthy looking skin or apply topically to enjoy the outdoors annoyance free."

The first essential oil ingredient is Citronella. It is a "powerful antioxidant ... and relaxant" (Essential Oils Pocket Reference, 55) with a refreshing and uplifting aroma. It supports the respiratory and digestive systems, soothes discomfort, calms, and cleans.

The next ingredient is Lemongrass which "is used for purification and digestion" (86). It supports the respiratory and digestive systems. It is often used for air purification - neutralizing odors and toxins.

Then there's Rosemary, which "was part of the 'Marseilles Vinegar' or 'Four Thieves Vinegar' that bandits who robbed the dead and dying used to protect themselves during the 15th century plague" (108-109). It supports the liver, cellular normalcy, the respiratory system, circulation, and the immune system while it soothes, cleanses the skin, and enhances mental clarity and concentration.

Melaleuca Alternifolia "also known as tea tree" supports respiratory, oral, heakthy skin, and the immune systems (91).

Then there is Lavandin, similar to but NOT to be confused with the gentler more child friendly Lavender. It is very similar and works much the same way as Lavender, but it is a stronger purifier, making it ideal for cleansing, but not nearly as suited for soothing sensitive skin (83).

Finally, there is Myrtle. Myrtle supports the thyroid, the respiratory system, the liver, and skin health (97). This is a plant and essential oil referenced throughout the Bible as well.

Specific Blends & Uses:

• Add a couple drops of Purification and Lemon to smelly laundry to deodorize and purify.
• Add Purification to smelly shoes or paint to neutralize odors.
• Add Purification, Frankincense, and Lavender to enhance skin care products.
• Combine Purification with Lavender, Geranium, Melaleuca, and Frankincense to create a Facial Cleanse & Moisturizer.
• Combine with Melrose, Peppermint, and Thieves to create an Anti-itch Outdoors spray.
• Diffuse with Peppermint, Copaiba, and Lemon to support the respiratory system, concentration, and purify the air.
• Diffuse with Copaiba and Lavender to support restful sleep, the respiratory system, soothe, and uplift.
• Combine in a roll-on blend with Copaiba, Lavender, and Frankincense to support skin and emotional balance, purify, and soothe discomfort.
• Take as a dietary supplement with Lemon and Copaiba to strengthen the body, calm, soothe, and detox.

If you want to learn more about how this blend and other essential oils can benefit you and your family email me at rach.dorian@gmail.com! I would love to hear from you and answer all your questions.

*Disclaimer: This post is NOT intended as medical advice of any kind because I am not a doctor. These statements have not been tested or evaluated by the FDA and so they are not intended to cure, treat, or prevent disease. They only help your body to do what it was meant to do. Caution should be exercised with first time oil use - skin patch tests prior to use and dilution with carrier oil - especially in children. Children, especially under the age of 6, should never ingest essential oils without advice of a healthcare professional since they are concentrated and potent. If you are under the care of a physician, nursing, taking prescription medication, or pregnant please consult your doctor prior to use. Keep essential oils out of reach of children.

Lavender - Swiss Army Knife

Lavender is one of my absolute favorite essential oils included in the Premium Starter Kit. It has so many incredible uses that it's often called the "Swiss Army Knife" of essential oils. Not only is it calming, but it is soothes discomfort, nourishes the skin, and supports optimal health and wellness in almost every area of the body. Best of all, it is generally considered safe for children and safe for human consumption,* which is why it is a principal constituent in my DIY Skin Spray. Except for those with sensitive skin and children under the age of 2, this oil can be applied neat or undiluted and in higher concentrations.

Young Living says: "Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia) has a sweet, floral aroma that is soothing and refreshing. Lavender’s aroma is great for relaxing and winding down before bedtime; add to bath or diffuse to create a calming and comforting environment. Lavender essential oil may compliment your favorite shampoos, lotions and skin care products. Because it is the most versatile of all essential oils, no home should be without it. "

Lavender's primary properties are soothing and relaxing. This makes it excellent for supporting the respiratory system, which is why it's included in the respiratory care R.C. blend. It is also indispensable in supporting emotional balance, mental health, and restful sleep, which is why it's a constituent of the infamous Stress Away blend. "Calming, relaxing, and balancing, both physically and emotionally. Lavender has been documented to improve concentration and mental acuity. University of Miami researchers found that inhalation of lavender oil increased beta waves in the brain, suggesting heightened relaxation. ... A 2001 Osaka Kyoiku University study found that lavender reduced mental stress and increased alertness" (Essential Oils Pocket Reference, 84). No wonder these two blends and Lavender on its own always manage to calm and soothe me.

Of course, the multitude of uses does not stop there. Besides calming and soothing, I use Lavender most often to support skin and hair health. I add it to shampoo, conditioner, soap, and my facial wash. It is the most used oil in my DIY products. It can also be found in the majority of Young Living's personal care products and emotional healing blends.

Specific Blends & Uses:

• Create a Facial Cleanse & Moisturizer spray by combining Lavender with Purification, Geranium, Melaleuca Alternifolia, and Frankincense. This blend is excellent for cleansing, calming, and supporting healthy restoration of any skin abnormality.
• Create a Hair Serum - Anti-Frizz Detangler Spray by combining Lavender with Geranium, Stress Away, and Cedarwood to support hair health, texture, and growth.
• Create an Outdoors Spray by combining Lavender with Carrot Seed, Frankincense, and Peppermint to soothe and cool the skin.
• Create a soothing and kid friendly Skin Spray by combining Lavender with Frankincense and Melaleuca Alternifolia (feel free to substitute Copaiba for Melaleuca if needed).
• Diffuse with Copaiba to support restful sleep and general wellness.
• Diffuse with Peppermint and Lemon to support mental alertness and the respiratory system. 
• Diffuse with Thieves or Purification to purify the air and create a calm, centered atmosphere
• Take as a dietary supplement with Thieves, Frankincense, and Copaiba to support the immune system.
• Take as a dietary supplement with Frankincense, Copaiba, Lemon, and/or DiGize to calm, uplift, and support the digestive system.
• Combine in a roll-on blend with PanAway and Copaiba to soothe discomfort, calm, and cool.
• Add to personal care products to support healthy skin and hair.

If you're curious about how essential oils can benefit you and your family email me at rach.dorian@gmail.com. 

*Disclaimer: This post is NOT intended as medical advice of any kind because I am not a doctor. These statements have not been tested or evaluated by the FDA and so they are NOT intended to cure, treat, or prevent disease. Caution should be exercised with first time oil use - skin patch tests prior to use and dilution with carrier oil - especially in children. Children, especially under the age of 6, should never ingest essential oils without advice of a healthcare professional since they are concentrated and potent. If you are under the care of a physician, nursing, taking prescription medication, or pregnant please consult your doctor prior to use. Keep essential oils out of reach of children.