Why I Still Love Twilight

Yes, I am actually talking about these books:

I am NOT talking about these laughable movie adaptations:

Please, I beg of you, do not confuse the two.

I'll admit, I was a teenager when I first became obsessed with Twilight. And the obsession bordered on the unhealthy. But I actually resisted the lure of this vampire romance for quite some time. I had friends and my very own parents doing their utmost to persuade me to give them a try. My own mother was feverishly reading the book at red stoplights on the way home from picking me up from school before I was finally convinced. (Admittedly, she was a very busy mother of six so this may have been one of her few chances to read at all.) Much like you are probably doing at this very moment, I rolled my eyes and inwardly scoffed at the idea of a vampire romance - no way could some twisted predator/prey relationship really be romantic. All that could ever be was abusive, demeaning, and all kinds of stupid. Right?

Well, Twilight proved me wrong and I loved every moment of it. I just recently re-read the book in preparation for this post. I am now a 21 year old mother and English major college student. And in spite of literally every English professor I have ever had disparaging and mocking them at some point, I still thoroughly enjoyed them. Those books will always occupy a very cherished place in my heart despite the popular backlash against them. 

Common Accusations Against Twilight

1. Bella is empty, weak, stupid, infatuated, vapid, spineless. She teaches girls to be the same and to give everything, even their very lives if necessary, into the hands of the first handsome guy that comes along. She promotes misogynistic, abusive relationships in the minds of impressionable young girls. 

First of all, Bella stands up for herself quite well. She turns down other boys before Edward and she does so with grace and confidence. She has a defined, intricate character that yes, many girls can relate to. And she does entrust her life to a dangerous vampire that may very well end her life or otherwise put her in danger. BUT, these critics miss the fact that Edward cares for her just as immensely and unconditionally as she does for him. He respects her, protects her, and exerts excruciating effort to resist  and prevent what some might call the inevitable - her death, by his hands or any others. He succeeds with quite a lot of sacrifice, if not more, on his part than she does. 

2. Regardless, it gives girls completely unrealistic expectations for men - that they have to be incredibly sexy, perfect, cultured, talented, rich immortals. They'll be crushed and completely unprepared for real life relationships.

First of all, Twilight is in essence a fairytale. And fairytales by their very nature promote unrealistic expectations such as frogs turning into princes, fairy godmothers magically creating ball gowns, a beast humanized by a woman's love, a princess woken by true love's kiss, just to name a few. And yet, we're fascinated and enchanted by these types of stories because they whisper to us an eternal truth that we never can forget:

Love can conquer any evil. 

And secondly, girls should absolutely be taught to find and settle for nothing less than their Prince Charming, their Edward, their Mr. Darcy, etc. There is no such thing as a perfect man - and Edward is anything but perfect. But I believe there is such a thing as a perfect match or soulmate, but that's a topic for another post.

3. It's poorly written, unbelievable, and ends anticlimactically.

I'm not going to brazenly assert that Twilight is an equal match for classics such as Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice. The level of writing is certainly no match for either of them. But it still ranks among them in my heart of hearts. And why? Because much like these classic romances it champions the classic truth: that we always have the choice to choose good, to choose love, no matter the impossibility of our circumstances. And for me at least, it did so just as convincingly if not nearly as eloquently, as any book I've ever read.

For those dissatisfied with the lack of a huge fight at the end, I would say that you're missing the entire point. The books were never about the blood and action. The relationships that somehow manage to survive any and every obstacle were the climax.

I'm not saying everyone can or even should love and enjoy Twilight. But I refuse to be ashamed of my unabashed esteem for it any longer. They're my favorite fairytale. So take the scoffs and scorn somewhere else please.

Musings on Motherhood: Why Perfectionism is a Dead End

Perfectionism is my Achilles' heel. It always has been.

I distinctly remember resolving at the young age of 7, in a Primary lesson preparing us for baptism at the age of 8, that I would remain perfect and pure after my baptism. We were taught that any sin could be washed away by baptism, but that afterwards we would inevitably make mistakes that required change and repentance. Repentance sounded so scary, so humiliating. No way was I going to deal with the messy effects of sin, guilt, and the arduous process of repentance. I was going to stay perfect; simple as that.

Of course, I was crestfallen when shortly after my baptism I got frustrated with and snapped at my sister. The first of many, many post baptism sins. It took me many long years and I'm still learning that perfection is not something you be by sheer force of will, and nor should you waste precious time and energy harping on past mistakes.

Being a perfectionist will never, ever make me perfect. Only God can do that.

Demanding perfection of ourselves accomplishes nothing. Either we will begin to believe the lie - that we are perfect and hence our own God, our own universe. Or, we will define ourselves by failure and collapse into ourselves in a destructive cycle of anxiety and depression.

It had taken me 21 long years to learn this lesson: that I can not and am not expected to be perfect. That it is an arrogant, fruitless endeavor to even try. My role is to learn and to always be just a little bit better - to place my imperfections on the altar, to be humble enough to acknowledge and eventually overcome them bit by bit with my Savior's grace. But then, this happened:

I became a mother. My whole reason for living, for breathing, for moving, for loving shifted. I and my husband were no longer the center of our own universe. We had been given a miracle and I wanted so desperately to live worthy of her. She was tiny, helpless, and perfect. And I needed to be perfect for her because she deserved nothing less. 

I have since realized that one of the most heartbreaking realizations is in life is that no matter how much we love and desire perfection in ourselves for our children, we can never give them that. And the truth is, we're not meant to. Our children already have perfect Heavenly Parents. They do not need us to fill that role. Our responsibility is not to show them how to be perfect, but to show them how to be human. They need to learn how to acknowledge their own shortcomings and imperfections - how to be humble enough to apologize, to repent, to pick themselves up and be better the next day. If we as parents are so consumed with the heights of perfection that we fail to teach our children how to build upon and be better for their mistakes we will have done them a far greater disservice than if we let them see us at our weakest. We must be what we want our children to be and I am realizing that I would rather my daughter learn how to face the trials and realities of imperfection from me than from her own failed experiences with perfectionism.

I still pray to be the best mother I can possibly be. But I am slowly but surely accepting that I can not be perfect. I can never be "good enough" for my precious baby, but that's ok, because God is always good enough. I can only love and point her to Him. And that is all she needs from me.